Its 12:13 Am, Sunday night in my Dorm room. My window is slightly cracked and the January air is easing my worries. From the outside looking in an outsider might ask what do you have to worry about? You have lived to see twenty this past weekend, and spent it with a girl’s company whom you can’t replace. This is all true. The breeze makes its way to a bear hug around my soul and reminds me of this girl. It reminds me of her touch, and it allows my mind to drift to the memories of our time spent together. Her scent floats across the air, as it blankets the room, and it lightly grazes my face, reminding me of her soft tender lips upon mine. It seems to not howl like other winds, but instead makes a smooth melancholic sound reminding me of her unequaled laugh. The breeze is bewitching, as is she.
I shut the window. I need to face reality.
I am in love.
I love a girl, who really likes me, but loves another. Over the past few hours that I have sat in this room I have come to realize this. I also have come to the acceptance that there will be a time in our love journey where she will have a decision to make, Though out loud said decision is thought to be a hard one, and up in the air… in her heart She has always known, but never admitted it to herself. I myself have always known the outcome as well. Like her I was battling with self-realization, until today.
She will choose him.
With this knowledge the choice is clear. Human nature will tell you to leave the situation in order to feign off the embarrassment. Even with being highly logical in my decisions of the heart, and facing reality, is it sad to say I don’t want to leave? Is it wasteful to be willing to feel a mountain of embarrassment in order to have one more day of the happiness I feel when I see her? No matter what it makes me, wanting to spend every inch of time the world has to offer us as lovers couldn’t be any truer. The time we spend together is both perfect and flawed. Whenever I am around her my body becomes this type of human cocoon and butterflies flutter all throughout. I stumble over my words, and the beauty in her eyes forces me to look away in conversation, almost as if unworthy. With all that said oddly enough, loving her couldn’t feel more natural. No one fits as snug as she does in my arms. We share so many similarities, yet so many difference that the way it balances out it unmistakably beautiful.
Sometimes I find myself thinking,
“ If only I met you first.” But then I stop and realize that even if I could change something I wouldn’t. Our beginning and our course to get to the point we are at, makes me appreciate her all the more.
“If you love something let it go, and if it comes back it’s yours forever, and if it doesn’t It was never meant to be.”
I have always had that mindset with her. Call it fate, call it my soul, but something in me has never let me stop believing in us. I enjoy our time together, and a piece of my heart always goes when she goes… But I never stop believing that she will come back.
I never give up hope that this is the real deal.
I open back up my window, and allow my worries to take a backseat again.
When she makes that decision, it will be hard for me, She will take a piece of my heart as she always seems to do, but I will smile because I know she can never take my breeze.