Remember me.

Don’t you remember the reasons you loved me.

“Don’t you remember, don’t you remember the reasons you loved me before?”

This question echoes from my soul, into my heart, throughout my mind, and into my ears as I listen to Adele’s voice say the words, and glace at an ex’s Facebook page.  I’d be playing it down if I just left it at an “ex’s Facebook page”. Words never seem to quite justify what she means to me. There will never be enough words invented, and never enough word documents for me to ever feel its substantial to validate my feelings. However for this entry I want to call her the reason. The reason I love. The reason I take my time with things now, especially relationships. She is the reason why I express my self through writing now instead of anger. The reason that if so tomorrow is the day I die, I can die with a smile on my face and the image of her cheese dip covered, smiling face on the forefront of my fading mind and know I have experienced pure blissfulness.

I look through her pictures, pausing on each one to digress my own story behind them.  Most of them are her and her new boy friend. I read behind the smiles, and I read the post he writes her, and her replies. They are in love.  Although I accept it, I pray on it everyday. I pray for him first. I pray he kisses her a little longer, as I wish I did.  I pray that he makes her laugh a little louder, (the kind where she actually sounds like a streaking dog) a little more often, as I wish I did.   I pray that every time he talks to her, and that every time he holds her soft hands that he realizes he is living out another man’s dream and doesn’t take it for granted.  I end the prayer in hopes that he knows that if I had the power to go back and relive a second of any of it.. It would be the only thing I ever did.   I pray for her next. I tend to always find this Ironic, praying for a girl who is clearly one of god’s angels here on earth, however pointless I do it anyway and simply keep it short.  I pray that she is happy, happier than she ever was with me. I pray for her success and riches in money and in health.  That she knows she is loved by somebody with every fiber and every inch they have to offer. I end the prayer with more so of a plead.  That she remembers.

God please help her to remember me once more.

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