March 13th 2009
Where do I begin? Anybody who knows me remotely well had to gather or at least consider that this was coming. In my mind I picture a group of my closest friends glancing at the calendar and coming to the realization that I could not let the three-year anniversary of such a momentous day in my life go by without putting bewitching, and wondrous words on a blank white document reflecting on the start of my time spent with a girl whom I will never forget. In reality I could be the only one glancing at the calendar, and delving deep into a situation that seems to be long forgotten by all but me, but it brings a smile to my face during my wishful thinking that I am not the only one who still remembers.
How could I forget though? That on this day three years ago I asked out –As it stands now—The love of my life. I was a junior in high school, and I had been talking to the girl for about two months. It could be said that the public opinion was that we were already together, but that was not enough for her, and rightfully so. She wanted that icing on the cake as they say, so eventually in a moment that I will never forget; I found myself on one knee on a Friday morning in a Kroger wine isle uttering the question “Will you be my girlfriend.” I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes. I am indeed the most romantic human being to walk the earth; Kroger is just so dreamy right? On a serious note, and with all sincerity, it didn’t matter to me where I was, or how I did it. I will forever remember that moment in my life because of the girl that was smiling in front of me saying, “Yes.”
The two years of events that followed that Kroger wine isle would go on to shape and change my life. Those two years were every inch of wonderful, and so much better than your favorite romance novel, or movie. They were filled with laughs, and many kisses. There was so much pleasure. There was so much unconditonal, unrestrained true love.
Those two years were so unhealthy, and by times end so much negative energy had been exerted. There was so many nights spent crying, and so much pain.
Those two years are molded into a life force that drives me today.
Today I sit here having not talked to this girl in over a year, yet still feeling the exact same way I felt three years ago in that wine isle. Ironically my feelings have only gotten better and stronger with time, as they say wine does. I know what we had was not perfect, it could to be said to not have been very good at all by the both of us if asked, but that does not make it none the less real. Unhealthy or not we loved each other, and always will. The other day as me and a friend discussed the topic of the impending anniversary she asked “She is so different now, you guys are both so different, what if you didn’t like the new her?” I pondered for a bit, but the answer seemed to be so clear. “There is no doubt in my mind I would love whoever she’s become. I would love her in any form. I just know it.” I know I love her, and always will, but I also love her enough to never begin to discover if my statement holds truth, and let her continue to be happy with her new life.
On this day, However, I will always allow myself to fall in love all over again. I am allowed to relive the picnic in the park, or the cheese dip fight in the kitchen. I willingly dive into the ocean of our memories, and mentally drown myself in the happy ones.
I completely accept everything, and I have surpassed every post break up stage in the book, but on this day let me pray my words can reach back to my past, and tell that smiling girl in the wine isle once more. “I love you widdlebaby,sunshine, sweetheart,bb, baby,recklessdriver,brendabarrett and always will.”
As a reader let me leave you with a short poem I wrote in my reminiscent thought process.
Sometimes we love and lose
Sometimes we love and abuse
We never know what we have until its gone
And we never realize our wrongs until its taken to long.