4:51 AM| Sundays.

At times when I should be actual dreaming, I’m hopelessly awake and day dreaming of creation.

I spend the hours past my bed time in a doe eyed dazed, trying to wrap my brain around the rarity and beyond a word for beauty of an idea from complete scratch.

That’s the dream.

Being the first conscious to think there should be light in a room. LIKE. . . the understanding of what doesn’t exist in the process of an original idea is both mind boggling and depressing. I can give you a million ideas on what to do with light in a room, but I couldn’t suggest it before existed.

My example may be able to be debunked, and chalked up to my personal lack of  knowledge in electricity and science, but I’m too almost tired to think of another. Bare with me. I dream of being the first conscious to think of manipulating electricity into light. Instead of the conscious who innovates  said creation into a flash light. Extremely rare ting! ( I’ve been around Jamaicans, as of late.) Doing what hasn’t been done, and thinking what hasn’t been thought.

Sometimes when I’m alone, this late, I mumbler utter gibberish while doing crazy body movements in an attempt to be completely original.

However, I fear that it might just be weird.

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Fuck Now & Laters Candy

I’m questioning the exact moment that later becomes never. I’m wondering if there is even a “becomes”, or is later always some form of never. I’m struggling a balancing act between a line I feel should be thicker of determination and procrastination. “Why is it so thin in my life these days?” I tend to ask God in some form most 2014 nights. I’m able to fall asleep at night on the pure fact pillow that my self-admitted, miniscule, productivity is still  the most productivity that I see from those who surround me. The question “Who am I really surrounding myself with?” wakes me up midway through said sleep, and I continue my journey on a road that leads only to success, but I’m driving below the speed limit. I sometimes get out, and walk, do drugs, have meaningless pop culture talk, and watch movies with the hitchhikers and bystanders. I sometimes let the wrong people in the car with me. I never run out of gas, but I sometimes run out of energy to push down on the pedal. I’m scared that the promising fact that I’m on a road that only leads to bliss, has falsely comforted me into constantly saying “I’ll get there later.” I don’t want that later to become never. Behind all the metaphors what I am saying is that, I want to birth words that grow up to be sentences that the world needs, and I must fuck my word documents now, or never. 

I Hope This Helps.

I believe its safe to say that at some point in all of our respective lives we have heard a saying, or a line in a song and thought to ourselves “Man I wish I had come up with that.” Or “Wow that is so true.” I no different from you have felt that way many times. There are Two times in specific however that I felt this feeling the strongest. In hopes that you can apply these sayings to your own lives, and it be better in doing so; I would like to share these Quotes and my reasoning behind my admiration for them.

“Its never to late to be what you could have been.”

“Wow this is so true.”

I hope I don’t step on any toes or jump the gun when I say it is safe to assume we have all felt like giving up at some point in our existence. That we have all had those bittersweet moments where we felt like the only option and way forward was to move on from Dreams that we have had since we were toddlers based on the false realization that it’s not going to happen for you. Based on false realization that we need to dream a new dream because it is clearly too late.  Whenever I have that feeling, and believe me I do, I whisper to myself. . . “Its never to late to be what you could have been.”  And it always tends to be the little push I need to work harder, to dream bigger, and strive to make my dream a reality.  This quote has been proven true so many times with success stories of Tyler Perry going from homeless to Millionaire or A local Senior Citizen finally becoming a math teacher—A story I recently read in the newspaper. Besides those two there are many stories that prove the quote to be true, and I hope as a reader if you apply this quote to your life, you can add to the success stories.

My Second Quote holds constant in my mind. Though it is only a sentence I find myself spending hours before sleep trying to decipher it word for word. Trying to find the lone lie in statement that is so true. I never do.

“At times, I do not know what is more disheartening; the inability to let go, or the realization that you are moving on.”

“WOW, WHY DIDN’T I COME UP WITH THIS THEORY!”  is always my first thought when it comes to this quote. My second is how true this statement is to society if only we took the time to admit it to ourselves.  We love and We lose, and we all experience heartbreak. During this heartbreak we try to move on, but we cant. It’s to fresh… The love was to real.. you tell yourself you want to move on but you cant,  and at this point in lost.. you are probably right.  Eventually we gain Though. Someone or something begins to help put the pieces back together, but 9 times out of 10 we shy away from them or it. Why? Because we are still telling ourselves it was to real.. That we  want to move on but cant.  But is it really the realization that you are indeed moving on that is keeping you wary?  Is it crazy to think that the one thing that you have been apparently wanting to do.. That you know you NEED to do is just as scary as not being able to move on? I believe the answer is yes, and that is exactly the reason why people stay in that in between stage of moving on, but still attached.  As I lay in bed every night I think about how ironically scary it is to truly believe you’ll never love someone again, and how equally scary it is to realize you are falling in love all over again with some one new.  I guess you can chalk it up to the sweet ironies in life and love. As  a reader I hope applying this quote to your life, can give you the realization of what you are going through, and give you the confidence to take that leap of faith into love again.

I hope this helps.

-Shane